My wife and kids are out of town for the summer, which has given me a great deal of time alone with our two dogs to ponder the ideas leading up to this belated Fathers’ Day post. This post is directed primarily to fathers who are lawyers. But, it has universal application for all fathers.
This is a philosophical post. And, I realize it may not be of interest to some readers; if so, simply stop reading here. Another reason for this post is that I am purposely adding it digitally to the perpetual web for my wife and kids, for their access now and later.
Here is the point of this blog. Lawyers are called upon to be the Rock of Gibraltar for handling important matters that affect clients’ lives and well-being. Lawyers are often the last resort with a responsibility that allows the buck to pass to no one else. The responsibility lies fully with the lawyer. Success or failure.
A lawyer when called upon to act or protect the interests of his or her clients cannot take on that important responsibility with an “I can’t”, “yes-man”, doubtful, or weak mindset. The lawyer – in the midst of the uncertainty with any disputed issue — must stand firm and resolute, reacting to the inevitable ebb and flow of the task that includes at times hope, doubt, praise, criticism, wins, losses, elation, disappointment, diversions and fatigue.
Here is my belated Father’s Day point:
My guess is that most lawyers (including me) pass along to their children the notion of being at all times strong, at all times resolute, at all times independent, at all times possessing a strength of mind and presence to handle any situation. All beneficial characteristics that can enable a child to chart life as he or she so chooses for any situation, no matter how difficult.
But, this heavy emphasis on strength and self-reliance also carries with it a strongly unspoken denial of our children’s feelings and emotions. Ask the children or spouse of a lawyer if my above summary is off point. My guess is it accurately fits most lawyers (both mothers and fathers who are lawyers).
On the flip side, which is an epiphany for me during this summer solitude, is what we lawyers fail to give our children.
That is, blinded by wanting our children to possess lawyer-like strength and fortitude, we lawyers do not allow our children to experience more fully their own development and metabolism of how to deal with their vulnerabilities.
We effectively thwart and constrict our children’s emotional bandwidth in response to how they otherwise can (and will) evolve when faced with struggles, disappointment, emotional-pain, periodic feelings of weakness, doubt, etc. Merely expecting our children to act like junior-lawyers in response to life and their circumstances is a kind of parental fundamentalism. Not much different than parents who believe religious fundamentalism gives their children an upper edge.
So, fathers; by all means continue to help your children develop strength and fortitude. These are gifts you are giving them. However, the change I recommend (that applies to me as a father) also is to allow room for your children to experience and develop their own response to the vast array of feelings and emotions that life presents. Against the backdrop of strength and fortitude, do not expect or require a sobriety of emotion for your children.